Sometimes it’s not what you’re saying, it’s how much listening you’ve done beforehand.
When feedback doesn’t land well, many people assume the issue lies in the wording of their message or the timing of their delivery. But very often, the real difference comes from what happens before you ever speak: how much time and care you’ve taken to listen.
Listening: The Most Underrated Leadership Skill
Developing real insight into another person’s perspective is more than just keeping your ears open. It’s active.
It involves asking thoughtful, open-ended questions, paying close attention to the answers, and showing that you have genuinely understood what’s been said. This kind of listening is one of the most underestimated tools in leadership development and effective communication.
Listening is also one of the most powerful ways to influence others. It can spark deeper insight, both for you and for the person you’re speaking with. When conversations flow more openly, new perspectives and ideas emerge — ones that often surprise both sides.
Stating Your Expectations
As human beings, we are social animals. We pick up many cues as to what others mean beyond just the words that we use. We have been evolutionarily programmed to notice emotions in others and to interpret body language as threatening or peaceful.
When we’re influencing others, we need to pay attention to:
– Our choice of WORDS.
– Our tone, voice or MUSIC.
– Our body, language or DANCE.
Why Listening Changes How Feedback Lands
Listening creates more than understanding — it builds connection. When people feel heard, they’re far more willing to hear your perspective in return.
It also builds trust, which is essential if you want your feedback to be taken seriously. Trust allows people to lower their guard, to listen without defensiveness, and to consider change rather than resist it.
This listening-first approach is particularly effective when direct feedback or “pushing” doesn’t seem to work. Instead of repeating the same message more firmly or forcefully, pausing to explore what’s happening for the other person can uncover the real barriers. These barriers are often not what you expected, and once they’re out in the open, the conversation can shift from resistance to collaboration.
Creating Space for New Thinking
When you listen actively and without judgment, you create space for new thinking, fresh ideas, and shared solutions. People who feel genuinely understood become more open to hearing and acting on feedback.
This shift is subtle but powerful: instead of feedback feeling like a challenge to defend against, it becomes part of a shared conversation about moving forward.
Build Your Influence with Better Conversations
If you want to strengthen how you communicate and influence others at work, join us in March for our Influence for Results Workshop: a 3-day intensive online communication skills training designed to help leaders and teams build trust, influence effectively, and achieve stronger results.
Influence for Results is a practical and immersive leadership training programme. It will help you build confidence in handling difficult conversations, navigate disagreement constructively, and create meaningful engagement. This is about more than learning how to “say it better” — it’s about learning how to shape conversations that unlock performance.
Through expert facilitation and proven communication tools, you’ll learn how to clearly express ideas, disagree well, explore perspectives, and work more effectively with groups.
Over the years, we’ve helped clients develop lasting skills in influencing, listening, and decision-making — skills that strengthen teams and create more resilient organisations.
Unlock Performance Through Better Communication
With executive coaching insights and practical team leader training, you’ll leave with tangible tools to improve communication in the workplace, build trust, and influence more effectively.
When feedback is underpinned by genuine listening, conversations change. Trust grows. And people are far more likely to act on what you have to say.
Boost Your Influence Online Course
Influence is a life skill; every choice you make in a conversation greatly impacts the outcome. Throughout the course, we will guide you through which decisions get the most fulfilling results.
You can learn to use these skills for just £30 (Including VAT) through our ‘Boost Your Influence‘ ONLINE course, making difficult conversations effective and efficient.
Our 11 modules can develop your discourse in both personal and work relationships. It can be taken at your own pace for 12 months, so we recommend referring back with continuous practice.
